“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. ” Romans 12:18. There’s a reason why harmony is not one of my strengths. I don’t necessarily enjoy conflict, but I have a real problem when decisions are made that are simply unjust, simply “wrong.” I have an extremely strong urge to defend the “right” and to defend those who are “in the right.” So when my administrator made a decision last Thursday that affected 220 students on the basis of about 10 students’ behaviors, I was about to explode. In a heated 30 seconds, I tried to explain to her that her decision was unjust and unwarranted, but by the grace of God alone, managed to hold my tongue and ended the conversation with a “yes maam.” So Friday, as I was relaying her decision to all of my deserving, awesome students, as I was enduring their disappointment and feelings of anger and justice gone wrong, I began, again, to get angry and frustrated with such a ridiculous decision!!!! As I am standing out in the hallway with my coworkers, we are all discussing how sad we are for our students and how wrong the decision was and I said something to the effect of, “She is going to receive a piece of my mind at some point today. She ought to have to tell them herself, not burden us with that.” Now, again, by the grace of God I managed to keep possession of all pieces of my mind that day, but my reaction has bothered me ever since I made that statement. Although the decision was unjust, and my feelings were just, my inability to let go when it was obvious that justice was not going to be served was a problem. I feel that I should have done a better job at just submitting to my administrator and setting that example for my coworkers. I certainly was not “living in peace” with my administrator that day, and I wasn’t making it easy for my coworkers to live in peace with her either. Now Im not sure how much peace-ability lies in me, but there’s probably more there then I tend to practice. So anyways, I think I have some apologies to make to my coworkers tomorrow and some peaceful coexistence to practice!
Just wanted to say that I know it is hard to hold your tongue. It’s so easy to just bash someone, especially when they are hurting something that you care about. It is hard for me to stand up, and be confrontational but do it in a way that resembles christ, I seem to be on extremes. I am proud of you for wanting to make peace! I am praying for you.I love you and miss you girl. I am excited about getting to know you more and more.
I have trouble and will get so mad about things very quickley. Usually I will not even express them at the time but later with others where I am just venting…which is not a good thing. Really trying to have peace like Christ is such a challenge. I hope your conversation with your coworkers went okay the next day. I also had a lot of fun hanging out with you this weekend and I hope to see you soon!