I’m still alive for those of you who are wondering.  I’m just not a computer person.  Things are good.  School is over this week.  Hal and I are exercising hardcore before the beach.  We’re getting ready for school.  We’re spending time with our families.  We’re having fun.  That’s about it.  hAL KEEPS HITTING THE CAPS LOCK and it is making it hard for me to type.  We joke alot.  sO I CAN’T BELIEVE THE SUMMER IS ALMOST OVER. It makes me kind of sad.  But fall is nice too.  It is an exciting time and Hal and I are ready for the challenges that lie ahead of us.  It will be an adventure!

I love banana peppers. Riding my bike with Hal and cooking good food for my friends.  I love school, the smell of a new book, Frank Sinatra’s voice and flowers.  All kinds of flowers.  I love color.  I love antiques–antique buildings, pitchers, furniture and people.  I love hearing old stories told by old people.  I love learning and teaching and teaching about learning and learning about teaching.  I love the smell of my Dad’s coats and babies’ heads.  I love the feel of moist soil and a breeze on a hot day.  I love a warm towel after a shower and cold sheets when I crawl into bed. I love clouds–fluffy ones, thin ones, black ones.  I love helping things grow, like flowers or vegetables or 14 year olds.  I love traveling.  I love the smell of Hal’s shirts and my Mamaw. 

Man, after reading all of your blogs, I have been sitting here for about an hour and 15 minutes just reading and reading my Bible and thinking about you guys and I feel just like me title states–I have so much to say!  Well, I will try to spread it out across the next few days so as not to bog you down this go around.  In my reading tonight, I came upon a verse that I had forgotten how much I loved.

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.             I Corinthians 13:11.

This verse to me represents a crossing over, a major life change.  One reason I love teaching middle school is because I get a glimpse of the very beginning of this process.  They aren’t playing with dolls anymore, some of them are just starting to be responsible babysitters.  They aren’t totally bent out of shape if they don’t get what they want immediately; they are starting to notice others in the world around them.  I could go on and on with the development of adolescents, but instead I want to equate this to my spiritual life.  Have I truly put away childish things in my spiritual life? Well, let’s see.  What was I like when I was a child…

I spake as a child…

*I spoke out of selfishness

*I spoke out of anger

*I spoke out of ignorance

*I spoke out of pride

*I complained

*I whined

I understood as a child…

*I understood as it pertained to me and my own little world

*I understood concretely, rather than abstractly

*I understood as it was presented to me, not taking much thought on whether the information was true or correct, just believing

I thought as a child…

*I thought everything revolved around me–others’ schedules, conversations, actions

*I thought I was better than some and not as good as others

*I thought that obeying the rules made me a super Christian

*I thought that I had the right to speak my mind no matter the cost to those around me

*I thought I had it hard because no one else had to work in tobacco all summer

But when I became a man (woman) I put away childish things.  It’s easy to see that in the physical sense, I have put away my childish things.  I don’t play with Barbies anymore or My Little Ponies.  I don’t have a Strawberry Shortcake blanket on my bed anymore.  But what about spiritually?  Have I put away my whining and complaining?  Have I put away my selfishness and arrogance?  Have I put away my ignorance and self-pity?  And instead, have I been made all things to all men (Cor. 9:22)?  Have I made myself a servant to all (9:19)?  Have I made myself a virtuous woman, a crown to my husband (Proverbs 12:4)?  I have to tell you, I am ashamed at how childish I can be sometimes.  How often do I get caught up in stupid remarks and pointless gossip and hurtful actions.  How often do I get sensitive to things that have nothing to do with me, because I still live sometimes with such a distorted, child-like world view.  I pray to leave my childish things behind and become the woman of faith God has already made me.  I ask each of you the same–have you put away your childish things and become men and women of Christ?  Have you put away your own agenda and surrendered to the all encompassing plan of God?  Because if not, it’s past time.  I know you all are familiar with Matthew 9:35-38, but I can’t read it without conviction.

But when he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them, because they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as sheep having no shepherd. …Pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he will send forth labourers into his harvest.

Children can’t be labourers ya’ll.  They don’t have the patience or the endurance.  But men and women can.  I pray for each of you tonight, that Christ would continue to finish his awesome work, that he would give you strength and courage to bring in the harvest.  I love you all.

“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. ” Romans 12:18.  There’s a reason why harmony is not one of my strengths.  I don’t necessarily enjoy conflict, but I have a real problem when decisions are made that are simply unjust, simply “wrong.”  I have an extremely strong urge to defend the “right”  and to defend those who are “in the right.”  So when my administrator made a decision last Thursday that affected 220 students on the basis of about 10 students’ behaviors, I was about to explode.  In a heated 30 seconds, I tried to explain to her that her decision was unjust and unwarranted, but by the grace of God alone, managed to hold my tongue and ended the conversation with a “yes maam.”  So Friday, as I was relaying her decision to all of my deserving, awesome students, as I was enduring their disappointment and feelings of anger and justice gone wrong, I began, again, to get angry and frustrated with such a ridiculous decision!!!!  As I am standing out in the hallway with my coworkers, we are all discussing how sad we are for our students and how wrong the decision was and I said something to the effect of, “She is going to receive a piece of my mind at some point today.  She ought to have to tell them herself, not burden us with that.”  Now, again, by the grace of God I managed to keep possession of all pieces of my mind that day, but my reaction has bothered me ever since I made that statement.  Although the decision was unjust, and my feelings were just, my inability to let go when it was obvious that justice was not going to be served was a problem.  I feel that I should have done a better job at just submitting to my administrator and setting that example for my coworkers.  I certainly was not “living in peace” with my administrator that day, and I wasn’t making it easy for my coworkers to live in peace with her either.  Now Im not sure how much peace-ability lies in me, but there’s probably more there then I tend to practice.  So anyways, I think I have some apologies to make to my coworkers tomorrow and some peaceful coexistence to practice!

I really love to share my faith.  I really do.  Why I don’t do it very often, Im not sure.  I’ve been told before that I have the gift of evangelism.  I was a leader at a camp and was able to lead a girl to Christ at a Habitat for Humanity store.  Our guide mentioned this gift to me and that night I really prayed that God would confirm that to me.  I had never really thought about my spiritual gifts before.  The next day, I found myself talking to a worker on our construction site and soon found that I was sharing the gospel with a 23 year old who had never once been told about Jesus.  Now, I don’t know if he ever accepted Jesus as his Saviour, but I did feel that day that God was showing me something about myself that was significant.  Sharing Jesus with others makes me feel free.  The other day, I had been sitting out on the patio, reading my Bible and praying–trying to meditate .  I finished and walked up to my garden and was just looking at it and thanking God for his creation when I saw a dove fly over my head.  It came from Mladen and Christina’s yard, flew over ours and then turned the corner at Mike and Kristan’s.  Now, it may sound silly, but when I saw it, it immediately brought tears to my eyes.  To me, it was a significant symbol of the presence of God.  It was beauty, peace, significance and majesty all combined.  Some of you talk about your spiritual life as jumping out or being on fire.  For me, it’s about taking flight.  Lord, I’m ready.

It’s interesting how sometimes you think you are being transparent with those around you and come to find out, you are no more transparent than a brick wall.  I was having a conversation this morning with some teachers in the copy room when one of them asked me about Daystar.  I proceeded to tell her about the church plant and how exciting it has been so far and that she should come and visit with us sometime.  Well, my teammate who is across the hall from me was also in the copy room and said “I didn’t know you were planting a church!”  She and I continued to chat and come to find out, she has a Lutheran background and her fiancee has a Baptist background and they are currently seeking somewhere to connect.  So, they are going to talk it over and may visit with us this coming Sunday.  This is all awesome, but I felt so ashamed that I hadn’t mentioned this before!! I felt sure that I had, but obviously not.  I ended up apologizing to her later for not having mentioned it before!  How is it possible that the most significant thing I am a part of right now has escaped my daily conversation?  Then comes the question.  Is it really significant to me?  Now, the answer to this question is yes.  The problem isn’t in whether or not it is significant to me.  The problem lies in my willingness to be transparent with those around me so that they can easily see what is and isn’t significant to me.  Small talk builds acquaintances.  Authenticity builds relationships.   

BLOGROLL!!!!!!  This is what I screamed out excitedly when Hal finally helped me figure this whole thing out.  I was practically in tears this morning at work–everything read like Greek to me and I wasn’t too excited about it in the first place as I hate to be on the computer unless it is for work and my ahem, encouraging husband has been asking me repeatedly when I am going to blog–all of this combined made for a very stressful morning.  I mean, who cares if I blog?  Who really cares about all the little insignificant things that happen in my day and what I am feeling?  This is like talking on the phone, magnified ten times!!!  I figured, I’ll just get on here and read the blogs since that is what everyone wants me to do and then I will be done.  I won’t have to do any self reflection or “be deep”   or anything else.  Riiighht.  It’s funny how we have this defense mechanism that kicks in anytime we have to make ourselves vulnerable to people.  It’s also funny how God can take my coat of self righteousness and  sour attitude and transform it into an ashen sack of humility.  The truth is, I care.  The truth is there is no such thing as insignificant in God’s creation and the truth is, I care about what is going on in all of your lives’ too.  Why is that so difficult for me to say?  I don’t know.  I guess God will continue to deal with me on that one.